Caving – WIPscope

Prototype for “Caving”

Tolerating aggression (caving) – Attacking

Often associated with Presented Concerns such as: abandoning, aggression, attacking, beating, blowing up, defending, defying, dominating, fighting, fights, fury, insisting, giving in, giving up, hitting, imposing, insulting, irritation, manipulating, minimizing, missing learning, protecting, rage, self-protecting, storm, submitting, swearing, threatening, threats, tolerating, upset, violence, withdrawing, yelling, temper, pushing

Slightly different PIPs possibly feeding “caving”

Some ideas that could foster “setting and tolerating boundaries” (#30)

“Setting and enforcing some rules may help peaceful coexistence”
“Asking for help makes you stronger”
“You need a village to raise a kid”
“Most of the time you can control how you respond to violence and avoid escalation”
“Inner negative voices sometimes block positive voices”
“I can give myself time to think how you want to respond”
“I can give others the opportunity to hear more positive voices”
“Experimenting natural consequences of harming behavior can be a source of learning”
“Anger is not the best friend of good thinking”
“Anger can be understandable, despite not ‘agreeing’ with it”
“Helping express anger with words may prevent its expression with insults/throwing objects/hitting”
“I am not against them; I am against violence”
“It is not about ‘wining’ battles; it is about resisting violence”.
“Violent behavior is not acceptable; self-defence is”
“My intention may not be enough to obtain what I am after”
“It is easier to notice what bother you from a relationship than how you may contribute to it”
“You need two to tango”
“There are no bad people, only bad contexts; you need the right context to learn the right thing”
“I can only control how I respond”
“Everyone can make, learn from, and make up for mistakes”.
“Disrupting bad things is just”

Some “truths” linked to “attacking” (#30)

“I cannot beat my child so… I am helpless (or weak)”.
“The only alternative to escalation (or counterattack) is to give in”
“If I ask for help as a parent means I am weak, and will make things worse”
“Defending myself from my child’s attacks is an unacceptable form of violence”
“Conflicts are bad, and should be avoided or ignored”
“Children’s violent behaviors are parents’ fault”
“My child is impulsive/has a conduct disorder”
“I must protect my child; I cannot turn them in”.
“I have lost the battle”
“In order to avoid giving in, I have to respond immediately”

Tips to co-construct antidote (2) via exception (#30)

Aim or sub-task	Guiding questions
Formulate a hypothetical solution	Imagine this issue of (e.g., ‘giving in’) solved out, what would be different? (e.g., “I’d be able to resist violence in a safe way”). Supposed that happened, what would you see different? What would you think/feel different? What would you hear different? How would you respond or do different? What would others do different?
Identify critical factors in hypothetical solution	What might have you done in this hypothetical scenario that helped you manage these threats/attacks more constructively? When the problem was resolved, how do you think you would respond? When you responded like this, what effect do you imagine it would have on the other?
Identify an exception to the problem	When have you been able to (e.g., effectively and safely resist violence; set boundaries; demand respect)? Have you ever been able to resist the impulse to ‘give in’ in a non-violent way? Have you ever been able to (help them) express their need without harming/threatening/demanding? Have you ever been able to stop the “escalation”? What did you do different on that occasion? What else did you notice when you did? What was different?
Amplify exception in the present	How did you did that (exceptional response)? How else did you empower yourself to ‘stay put’, hold your ground, and didn’t let fear manage/drive you? How did you manage not to surrender to the anxiety that came up for you when you saw your child was…? Where did you learn that? What did you do to get ready or prepare to make that step in that occasion? What other personal resources did you rely on to make this step? What did you notice different in the relationship with your child when you did that (exceptional response)? What did you notice different in yourself? What did other members of your family noticed? Who was the first in noticing the difference? Who was the second? Third? How did others respond? How did you feel when they did that? How did the rest of your day go after this happened? What did you notice later?
Co-create a new future	When you act upon these ideas/exceptional experiences, what difference will it make for you? What difference will it make about how you feel about the episode? About yourself? When you feel like that, what will be easier to do from that mindset/mood/state of mind/stance etc.? How will this orient you towards a new direction in your life? While you continue going in this preferred direction, how will your new future be different from your old future?
Formulate a step by step plan	Would you be interested in working (with your parents) to figure out new ways to (expand exceptions/resist problems)? Who else could we recruit as part of your supporting team? How could they help with this? What could their contributions be? What difference does it make for your next steps knowing that you were capable of resisting the immediate impulse on that occasion? What ideas does this success give you about what your next step could be? How will you know that your next step was successful? How else would you like to restrict the power that “threats” may have in your family?

Tips to co-construct antidote (1) via unique outcomes (#30)

Aim or sub-task	Guiding questions
Explore unique outcomes	Did you ever managed/beat the problem (e.g., the ‘giving in’; the ‘attacking’)? How have you successfully coped with ‘violent reactions’ as a family in the past? Did ‘the problem’ ever complied with you, instead of you complying with it? When was (bearer of problem) able to lower the intensity (or frequency) of the problem? When was (bearer of problem) able to do something with the problem? How did you notice? What was the first thing you noticed? What did you/her do? What did your mom notice? What did she do? What happened on that occasion? What did others say about this? Have you ever seen your child coping/managing their own frustration? Has your child ever decided to cope in a more constructive way? Have they ever decided to do something different other than (e.g, threatening, blowing up, attacking)? Have you as a family ever done something different to avoid getting to a place where ‘giving in’ seemed unavoidable? What did you do in that occasion? What did you do right after, when you noticed she was deciding not to attack? How did your child respond when you did that? How did the rest of that day/night go? If by exploring this episode in depth we could learn something about your capacity to foster (e.g., setting helpful boundaries; mutual respect; peaceful coexistante), would you be interested in doing that?
Internalize personal agency	You mentioned that you did something different on that occasion, how did you do that? How did you choose to do that? Was it a deliberate decision? How did you manage to resist ‘giving in’, and kept setting/enforcing boundaries? Was there anything different that you thought or felt that made it easier for you to resist the ‘reign of fear’? Or that helped you respond differently? Or actively recruit helpers/rule enforcers?
Link personal agency with personal resources or skills	Where did you learn that? What do you know about yourself that helped you make such decision? What do others know about yourself? What does this virtue, skill or ability tell about yourself as a person? Why is this (e.g., “courage”; “respect”) important to you? Is it that you value both assertiveness and respect? What other values are at stake for you? Why are these values important to you? Are these values a source of strength for you?
Recruit a supporting team	Who could help you to (e.g., protect yourself; recognize your own needs; enforce mutual respect, resist violence) in respectful ways? Who could help you to help them recognize others’ needs and rights? If ‘giving in’ was taking control over you, what could others (e.g., your wife, husband, neighbour, friend, teacher, daughter) do to help you get stronger? Who could help your wife/husband help you? Who else could help you?
Inquire about future effects of unique outcome	If you had further opportunities to resist violence, what do you think would happen to ‘the problem’? Increase or decrease? If you had further opportunities to support your child’s ability to (e.g., empathize with others; take care of themselves) in the next few days/weeks, what do you think would happen to the problem? How would this impact your relationship with (e.g., your daughter)? What difference would this make for you?

Tips to weaken problematic interactions (3) via externalizing a problem-strengthening IDEA (#30)

Aim or sub-task	Guiding questions
Explore with curiosity the nature, history, effects, and tactics of the (potentially problematic) idea	What is it that worries you the most about the (e.g., ‘attacking’ ) issue? (e.g., “violence is totally unacceptable”) Can you tell me more about this idea? (e.g., “well, I don’t want to collude with it, I must stop it at once; there’s nothing to talk about it…”) In which situations has this idea been useful to you/your child/your relationship? Where did this idea come from? How has this idea affected your relationship with your child? What does this idea make you do that you don’t feel very proud about doing? Where is this idea more influential? How does this idea manage to convince you of its “truth”? When did you start “blindly obeying” this idea? Would you say that for you is “unacceptable”: that your child feels angry or frustrated, that he hasn’t learned how to manage these feelings in acceptable ways (yet); or that they behave in disrespectful ways to others?
Explore unique outcomes	Has there ever been a time when your child expressed their needs (or stances; or anger) in a more acceptable way? What happened on this occasion? What was different? What did you do? What did they do? What did your partner say? What was the first thing you noticed? How did you know that his anger was not “too bad”? What was it “about”? What have you done that has helped your child to manage such difficult feelings in more constructive/pro-social ways? What else? Who in your network may have some more ideas about how to better cope with frustration and anger?
Explore future effects of unique outcome	If your child was more willing to use your help to better manage their frustration, what do you think would happen to the problem? If your child believed that you are against disrespect (rather than against them, or their needs, or their expectations), what do you think would happen to the problem? If could child was convinced about your good intentions (e.g., about their own safety, or future), what would this mean to you? Who would be the most surprised if they did get convinced? Who would be the least surprised? Why? What would be different in your life? What would be different in your relationship with your child?

Tips to weaken problematic interactions (2) via externalization (#30)

Aim or sub-task	Guiding questions
Name the problem: negotiate an experience-near formulation for the problem	How would you call this problem? Attacking? Giving up? Giving in? Hopelessness? Controlling emotions? Abuse? Not respecting others? Something else?
Explore the negative effects of the problem	Does the problem (e.g., ‘Attacking’) make you do things that you don’t like to do, or that you regret afterwards? (e.g., “giving in”, “tolerating aggression”, “colluding with violence”) What else does the problem make you do? What does your mom/dad/child do when you are under the influence of the problem? How strong would you say the problem is right now? What makes the problem bigger (or stronger)?
Explore unique outcomes (for more details check up on “tips via unique outcome”).	Did you ever managed/beat the problem (e.g., the ‘giving in’; the ‘attacking’)? How have you successfully coped with ‘violent reactions’ as a family in the past? Did ‘the problem’ ever complied with you, instead of you complying with it? When was (bearer of problem) able to lower the intensity (or frequency) of the problem? When was (bearer of problem) able to do something with the problem? How did you notice? What was the first thing you noticed? What did you/her do? What did your mom notice? What did she do? What happened on that occasion? What did others say about this?
Explore unique outcomes in the future	If (unique outcome) happened again in the next few days/weeks, what would happen to the problem? Do you think its influence in your life would increase or decrease? What difference would this make for you? What would be different in your life? What else?

Other similar PIPs

SCIPs feeding PIP

SCIP feeding HIP

TIP moving from PIP to HIP

Go to prototypical "Caving" reflectogram