- “Setting and enforcing some rules may help peaceful coexistence”
- “Asking for help makes you stronger”
- “You need a village to raise a kid”
- “Most of the time you can control how you respond to violence and avoid escalation”
- “Inner negative voices sometimes block positive voices”
- “I can give myself time to think how you want to respond”
- “I can give others the opportunity to hear more positive voices”
- “Experimenting natural consequences of harming behavior can be a source of learning”
- “Anger is not the best friend of good thinking”
- “Anger can be understandable, despite not ‘agreeing’ with it”
- “Helping express anger with words may prevent its expression with insults/throwing objects/hitting”
- “I am not against them; I am against violence”
- “It is not about ‘wining’ battles; it is about resisting violence”.
- “Violent behavior is not acceptable; self-defence is”
- “My intention may not be enough to obtain what I am after”
- “It is easier to notice what bother you from a relationship than how you may contribute to it”
- “You need two to tango”
- “There are no bad people, only bad contexts; you need the right context to learn the right thing”
- “I can only control how I respond”
- “Everyone can make, learn from, and make up for mistakes”.
- “Disrupting bad things is just”
Category: Dominant Ideas feeding (SCIPS)
Common ideas or “discourses” reflecting SCIPs
Some ideas that could foster “articulating and expressing emotions & needs” (#47)
- “Anger is a statement; a way of expressing something we care about”
- “Anger is a response to frustration of one’s needs/expectations”
- “Anger can be understandable, despite not ‘agreeing’ with it”
- “Anger management can be difficult; we learn better ways throughout a whole life”
- “Anger and frustration management require time and help from caregivers”
- “It’s easier for adults to manage frustration and anger (compared to children)”
- “Helping express anger with words may prevent its expression with insults/throwing objects/hitting”
- “When anger cannot find an outlet, a child may ‘regress’ and become even more ‘primitive’”
- “Frustration of needs is probably inevitable but there are several ways in which we can manage this”
- “My child believes I don’t love them”
- “There is alternative to either ignore or impose your own needs; it´s called assertiveness”
- “My child rejects my lack of empathy/acknowledgment”
Some “truths” linked to “attacking” (#30)
- “I cannot beat my child so… I am helpless (or weak)”.
- “The only alternative to escalation (or counterattack) is to give in”
- “If I ask for help as a parent means I am weak, and will make things worse”
- “Defending myself from my child’s attacks is an unacceptable form of violence”
- “Conflicts are bad, and should be avoided or ignored”
- “Children’s violent behaviors are parents’ fault”
- “My child is impulsive/has a conduct disorder”
- “I must protect my child; I cannot turn them in”.
- “I have lost the battle”
- “In order to avoid giving in, I have to respond immediately”
Some ideas that could foster “articulating and expressing emotions & needs” (#47)
- “Anger is a statement; a way of expressing something we care about”
- “Anger is a response to frustration of one’s needs/expectations”
- “Anger can be understandable, despite not ‘agreeing’ with it”
- “Anger management can be difficult; we learn better ways throughout a whole life”
- “Anger and frustration management require time and help from caregivers”
- “It’s easier for adults to manage frustration and anger (compared to children)”
- “Helping express anger with words may prevent its expression with insults/throwing objects/hitting”
- “When anger cannot find an outlet, a child may ‘regress’ and become even more ‘primitive’”
- “Frustration of needs is probably inevitable but there are several ways in which we can manage this”
- “My child believes I don’t love them”
- “There is alternative to either ignore or impose your own needs; it´s called assertiveness”
- “My child rejects my lack of empathy/acknowledgment”
Some “truths” linked to “attacking” (#47)
- “Violence is simply unacceptable; there’s nothing to talk about it”
- “Kids should not/never show anger, it is a negative emotion”
- “Anger is primitive/bad, kids should be able to control it”.
- “Conflicts are bad, and should be avoided or ignored”
- “My child is always whining/manipulating”.
- “My child is impulsive/has a conduct disorder”
- “Don’t be a girl”
- “My parents don’t satisfy my wishes; hence then they don’t love me/they are mean”
- “My needs are the only needs that matter”
Some ideas that could foster “admitting mistakes” (#46)
- “Deeds can be rejected without rejecting the doer”
- “Empathy is the beginning of change”
- “Everyone can make mistakes, and acknowledging them requires courage”
- “If my child experiences me as an ally, he might trust I will understand”
- “The more they understand me, the more I want to make an effort”
- Add your own
Some “truths” linked to “lying or stealing” (#46)
- “dishonesty is against my principles; I cannot tolerate it”
- “tolerating dishonesty makes me complicit”
- “if I tell the truth they won’t like it”
- “If I tell you the truth they won’t love me”
- “Kids lie because they are liars”
- “My daughter wants to manipulate (or control) me”
- “He is just like his father; a delinquent”
- “I was the same as a kid”
- Add your own
Some ideas that could foster “learning to identify needs of self and others” (#28)
- “Anger is a statement; a way of expressing something we care about”
- “Anger is a response to frustration of one’s needs/expectations”
- “Anger can be understandable, despite not ‘agreeing’ with it”
- “Anger management can be difficult; we learn better ways throughout a whole life”
- “Anger and frustration management require time and help from caregivers”
- “It’s easier for adults to manage frustration and anger (compared to children)”
- “Helping express anger with words may prevent its expression with insults/throwing objects/hitting”
- “When anger cannot find an outlet, a child may ‘regress’ and become even more ‘primitive’”
- “Frustration of needs is probably inevitable but there are several ways in which we can manage this”
- “My child believes I don’t love them”
- “There is alternative to either ignore or impose your own needs; it´s called assertiveness”
- “My child rejects my lack of empathy/acknowledgment”
Some “truths” linked to “attacking” (#28)
- “Violence is simply unacceptable; there’s nothing to talk about it”
- “Kids should not/never show anger, it is a negative emotion”
- “Anger is primitive/bad, kids should be able to control it”.
- “Conflicts are bad, and should be avoided or ignored”
- “My child is always whining/manipulating”.
- “My child is impulsive/has a conduct disorder”
- “Don’t be a girl”
- “My parents don’t satisfy my wishes; hence then they don’t love me/they are mean”
- “My needs are the only needs that matter”
Some ideas that could foster “Selectively noticing other’s competences and successes” (#2)
- “My child feels incapable, they must be shown that they can do it, they should believe in themselves”
- “My child thinks I am rejecting them, instead of their behaviour”
- “My child doesn’t feel loved, they are avoiding rejection”
- “If we try a little bit, like a snowball, overtime it will become giant”
- “My child is unmotivated, they need support”
- Add one yourself