Some ideas that could foster “setting and tolerating boundaries” (#30)

  • “Setting and enforcing some rules may help peaceful coexistence” 
  • “Asking for help makes you stronger”
  • “You need a village to raise a kid”
  • “Most of the time you can control how you respond to violence and avoid escalation”
  • “Inner negative voices sometimes block positive voices”
  •  “I can give myself time to think how you want to respond”
  • “I can give others the opportunity to hear more positive voices”
  • “Experimenting natural consequences of harming behavior can be a source of learning”
  • “Anger is not the best friend of good thinking”
  •  “Anger can be understandable, despite not ‘agreeing’ with it”
  •  “Helping express anger with words may prevent its expression with insults/throwing objects/hitting”
  •  “I am not against them; I am against violence”
  • “It is not about ‘wining’ battles; it is about resisting violence”.
  • “Violent behavior is not acceptable; self-defence is”
  • “My intention may not be enough to obtain what I am after”
  • “It is easier to notice what bother you from a relationship than how you may contribute to it”
  • “You need two to tango”
  • “There are no bad people, only bad contexts; you need the right context to learn the right thing”
  •  “I can only control how I respond”
  • “Everyone can make, learn from, and make up for mistakes”.
  • “Disrupting bad things is just”

Some ideas that could foster “articulating and expressing emotions & needs” (#47)

  • “Anger is a statement; a way of expressing something we care about”
  • “Anger is a response to frustration of one’s needs/expectations”
  • “Anger can be understandable, despite not ‘agreeing’ with it”
  • “Anger management can be difficult; we learn better ways throughout a whole life”
  • “Anger and frustration management require time and help from caregivers”
  • “It’s easier for adults to manage frustration and anger (compared to children)”
  • “Helping express anger with words may prevent its expression with insults/throwing objects/hitting”
  •  “When anger cannot find an outlet, a child may ‘regress’ and become even more ‘primitive’”
  • “Frustration of needs is probably inevitable but there are several ways in which we can manage this”
  • “My child believes I don’t love them”
  • “There is alternative to either ignore or impose your own needs; it´s called assertiveness”
  • “My child rejects my lack of empathy/acknowledgment”

Some “truths” linked to “attacking” (#30)

  • “I cannot beat my child so… I am helpless (or weak)”. 
  •  “The only alternative to escalation (or counterattack) is to give in”
  •  “If I ask for help as a parent means I am weak, and will make things worse”
  •  “Defending myself from my child’s attacks is an unacceptable form of violence”
  •  “Conflicts are bad, and should be avoided or ignored”
  • “Children’s violent behaviors are parents’ fault”
  • “My child is impulsive/has a conduct disorder”
  • “I must protect my child; I cannot turn them in”. 
  • “I have lost the battle”
  • “In order to avoid giving in, I have to respond immediately”

Some ideas that could foster “articulating and expressing emotions & needs” (#47)

  • “Anger is a statement; a way of expressing something we care about”
  • “Anger is a response to frustration of one’s needs/expectations”
  • “Anger can be understandable, despite not ‘agreeing’ with it”
  • “Anger management can be difficult; we learn better ways throughout a whole life”
  • “Anger and frustration management require time and help from caregivers”
  • “It’s easier for adults to manage frustration and anger (compared to children)”
  • “Helping express anger with words may prevent its expression with insults/throwing objects/hitting”
  •  “When anger cannot find an outlet, a child may ‘regress’ and become even more ‘primitive’”
  • “Frustration of needs is probably inevitable but there are several ways in which we can manage this”
  • “My child believes I don’t love them”
  • “There is alternative to either ignore or impose your own needs; it´s called assertiveness”
  • “My child rejects my lack of empathy/acknowledgment”

Some “truths” linked to “attacking” (#47)

  • “Violence is simply unacceptable; there’s nothing to talk about it”
  • “Kids should not/never show anger, it is a negative emotion”
  • “Anger is primitive/bad, kids should be able to control it”.
  • “Conflicts are bad, and should be avoided or ignored”
  • “My child is always whining/manipulating”.
  • “My child is impulsive/has a conduct disorder”
  •  “Don’t be a girl”
  •  “My parents don’t satisfy my wishes; hence then they don’t love me/they are mean”
  • “My needs are the only needs that matter”

Some ideas that could foster “admitting mistakes” (#46)

  • “Deeds can be rejected without rejecting the doer”
  • “Empathy is the beginning of change”
  • “Everyone can make mistakes, and acknowledging them requires courage”
  •  “If my child experiences me as an ally, he might trust I will understand”
  • “The more they understand me, the more I want to make an effort”
  • Add your own

Some “truths” linked to “lying or stealing” (#46)

  • “dishonesty is against my principles; I cannot tolerate it”
  • “tolerating dishonesty makes me complicit” 
  • “if I tell the truth they won’t like it”
  • “If I tell you the truth they won’t love me”
  • “Kids lie because they are liars” 
  • “My daughter wants to manipulate (or control) me”
  •  “He is just like his father; a delinquent”
  • “I was the same as a kid”
  • Add your own

Some ideas that could foster “learning to identify needs of self and others” (#28)

  • “Anger is a statement; a way of expressing something we care about”
  • “Anger is a response to frustration of one’s needs/expectations”
  • “Anger can be understandable, despite not ‘agreeing’ with it”
  • “Anger management can be difficult; we learn better ways throughout a whole life”
  • “Anger and frustration management require time and help from caregivers”
  • “It’s easier for adults to manage frustration and anger (compared to children)”
  • “Helping express anger with words may prevent its expression with insults/throwing objects/hitting”
  •  “When anger cannot find an outlet, a child may ‘regress’ and become even more ‘primitive’”
  • “Frustration of needs is probably inevitable but there are several ways in which we can manage this”
  • “My child believes I don’t love them”
  • “There is alternative to either ignore or impose your own needs; it´s called assertiveness”
  • “My child rejects my lack of empathy/acknowledgment”

Some “truths” linked to “attacking” (#28)

  • “Violence is simply unacceptable; there’s nothing to talk about it”
  • “Kids should not/never show anger, it is a negative emotion”
  • “Anger is primitive/bad, kids should be able to control it”.
  • “Conflicts are bad, and should be avoided or ignored”
  • “My child is always whining/manipulating”.
  • “My child is impulsive/has a conduct disorder”
  •  “Don’t be a girl”
  •  “My parents don’t satisfy my wishes; hence then they don’t love me/they are mean”
  • “My needs are the only needs that matter”

Some ideas that could foster “Selectively noticing other’s competences and successes” (#2)

  • “My child feels incapable, they must be shown that they can do it, they should believe in themselves”
  • “My child thinks I am rejecting them, instead of their behaviour”
  • “My child doesn’t feel loved, they are avoiding rejection”
  • “If we try a little bit, like a snowball, overtime it will become giant”
  • “My child is unmotivated, they need support”
  • Add one yourself