- “It’s the only way to educate my child, they should recognize and correct their mistakes”
- “They don’t understand it’s for their own good”
- “My son is doing it on purpose”
- “They are lazy”
- “They do not want to understand”
- “They do not want to be responsible for their mistakes”
- “They do not want to take responsibility for their actions”
- “They are coward, they do not want to confront the problem”
- “My parents don’t love me, that’s why they criticize me”
- “My daughter wants to manipulate me”
- “He is “just” a child; he must listen and obey”
- “I was the same when I was a child, I would escape when it was convenient”
- “The old values has been lost (authority, respect)”
- Add one yourself
Category: Dominant Ideas feeding (SCIPS)
Common ideas or “discourses” reflecting SCIPs
Some ideas that could foster “calming down” (#27)
- “Neglect, unwillingness or opposition is one thing; lack of ability or self-confidence is different”.
- “Anxiety (or feelings of inadequacy) usually interferes someone’s performance and skills”
- “Express or repress (or supress): Hiding anxiety may make anxiety worse”
- “Being really understood is the best antidote for anguish, distress, and anxiety”
- “Stating someone’s overt behavior is easy; understanding the underlying intention or state of mind can be more difficult”.
- “Everyone may have a particular way of experiencing reality; without listening what’s going on for the other, there’s no way of understanding or helping the other”
- “Empathy is the beginning of change”
- “First you need time and help to put yourself together”
- “Parental demandingness is not enough; warmth and sensitivity are also key for kids to flourish”
- “Self-efficacy beliefs are key to perform well”
Some “truths” linked to “Getting Anxious” (#27)
- “My child is simply neglectful”
- “My child is unwilling to do things right”
- “My child is oppositional”
- “My child is just stupid”
- “The only way to help my child doing things right is letting them know when they are wrong”
- “Only bad friends/neglectful parents tell you that you are doing alright when you are not”
- “I have tried being nice and everything else, but nothing works with him/her”
- “What my child is doing is against my principles; I cannot tolerate it”
- “tolerating her behavior makes me complicit; I will lose authority”
- “I’m just telling the truth; I don’t like lying”
- (Feeding questioning oneself) “They know better, I deserve this”
- “I am just a kid, I have not rights”
- “I should know how to do this right on my own; I just suck”
- “I don’t have emotional needs; that’s for the weak”
- “Communicating needs is useless”
- “Nobody will understand me”
- “Nobody really cares so I won’t even try doing things better”
- Add your own
Some ideas that could foster “Exercising inner control” (#1)
- “My child rejects outer control (maybe he wants to learn how to self-control)”
- “Her misconduct is a form of protest against maltreatment”
- “Controlling oneself is not easy: it requires a lot of practice and support”
- “Children have a natural need/desire for autonomy”
- “Her protest is a call for help”
Some “truths” linked to “losing control” (#1)
- “Kids should always comply with their parents”
- “Kids are unable to self-control”
- “My daughter wants to manipulate (or control) me”
- “My child is bad”
- “My child is defiant”
- “My child has ODD (oppositional defiant disorder)”
- “He is just like his father; it’s genetic”
- “I was the same as a kid”
- “I must intervene; If I let them alone, they will kill each other”
