Some “truths” linked to “attacking” (#30)

  • “I cannot beat my child so… I am helpless (or weak)”. 
  •  “The only alternative to escalation (or counterattack) is to give in”
  •  “If I ask for help as a parent means I am weak, and will make things worse”
  •  “Defending myself from my child’s attacks is an unacceptable form of violence”
  •  “Conflicts are bad, and should be avoided or ignored”
  • “Children’s violent behaviors are parents’ fault”
  • “My child is impulsive/has a conduct disorder”
  • “I must protect my child; I cannot turn them in”. 
  • “I have lost the battle”
  • “In order to avoid giving in, I have to respond immediately”

Some “truths” linked to “attacking” (#47)

  • “Violence is simply unacceptable; there’s nothing to talk about it”
  • “Kids should not/never show anger, it is a negative emotion”
  • “Anger is primitive/bad, kids should be able to control it”.
  • “Conflicts are bad, and should be avoided or ignored”
  • “My child is always whining/manipulating”.
  • “My child is impulsive/has a conduct disorder”
  •  “Don’t be a girl”
  •  “My parents don’t satisfy my wishes; hence then they don’t love me/they are mean”
  • “My needs are the only needs that matter”

Some “truths” linked to “lying or stealing” (#46)

  • “dishonesty is against my principles; I cannot tolerate it”
  • “tolerating dishonesty makes me complicit” 
  • “if I tell the truth they won’t like it”
  • “If I tell you the truth they won’t love me”
  • “Kids lie because they are liars” 
  • “My daughter wants to manipulate (or control) me”
  •  “He is just like his father; a delinquent”
  • “I was the same as a kid”
  • Add your own

Some “truths” linked to “attacking” (#28)

  • “Violence is simply unacceptable; there’s nothing to talk about it”
  • “Kids should not/never show anger, it is a negative emotion”
  • “Anger is primitive/bad, kids should be able to control it”.
  • “Conflicts are bad, and should be avoided or ignored”
  • “My child is always whining/manipulating”.
  • “My child is impulsive/has a conduct disorder”
  •  “Don’t be a girl”
  •  “My parents don’t satisfy my wishes; hence then they don’t love me/they are mean”
  • “My needs are the only needs that matter”

Some “truths” linked to “Blaming and Criticizing” (#2)

  • “It’s the only way to educate my child, they should recognize and correct their mistakes”
  • “They don’t understand it’s for their own good” 
  • “My son is doing it on purpose” 
  • “They are lazy”
  • “They do not want to understand”
  • “They do not want to be responsible for their mistakes”
  • “They do not want to take responsibility for their actions”
  • “They are coward, they do not want to confront the problem”
  • “My parents don’t love me, that’s why they criticize me” 
  • “My daughter wants to manipulate me” 
  • “He is “just” a child; he must listen and obey”
  • “I was the same when I was a child, I would escape when it was convenient”
  • “The old values has been lost (authority, respect)”
  • Add one yourself

Some “truths” linked to “Getting Anxious” (#27)

  • “My child is simply neglectful”
  • “My child is unwilling to do things right”
  • “My child is oppositional”
  • “My child is just stupid”
  • “The only way to help my child doing things right is letting them know when they are wrong”
  • “Only bad friends/neglectful parents tell you that you are doing alright when you are not”
  • “I have tried being nice and everything else, but nothing works with him/her”
  • “What my child is doing is against my principles; I cannot tolerate it”
  • “tolerating her behavior makes me complicit; I will lose authority”
  • “I’m just telling the truth; I don’t like lying”
  • (Feeding questioning oneself) “They know better, I deserve this”
  • “I am just a kid, I have not rights”
  • “I should know how to do this right on my own; I just suck”
  • “I don’t have emotional needs; that’s for the weak”
  • “Communicating needs is useless”
  • “Nobody will understand me”
  • “Nobody really cares so I won’t even try doing things better”
  • Add your own

Some “truths” linked to “losing control” (#1)

  • “Kids should always comply with their parents”
  • “Kids are unable to self-control”
  • “My daughter wants to manipulate (or control) me”
  • “My child is bad”
  • “My child is defiant”
  • “My child has ODD (oppositional defiant disorder)”
  • “He is just like his father; it’s genetic”
  • “I was the same as a kid”
  • “I must intervene; If I let them alone, they will kill each other”