- “I cannot beat my child so… I am helpless (or weak)”.
- “The only alternative to escalation (or counterattack) is to give in”
- “If I ask for help as a parent means I am weak, and will make things worse”
- “Defending myself from my child’s attacks is an unacceptable form of violence”
- “Conflicts are bad, and should be avoided or ignored”
- “Children’s violent behaviors are parents’ fault”
- “My child is impulsive/has a conduct disorder”
- “I must protect my child; I cannot turn them in”.
- “I have lost the battle”
- “In order to avoid giving in, I have to respond immediately”
Category: “truths” feeding problems
pipish scips
Some “truths” linked to “attacking” (#47)
- “Violence is simply unacceptable; there’s nothing to talk about it”
- “Kids should not/never show anger, it is a negative emotion”
- “Anger is primitive/bad, kids should be able to control it”.
- “Conflicts are bad, and should be avoided or ignored”
- “My child is always whining/manipulating”.
- “My child is impulsive/has a conduct disorder”
- “Don’t be a girl”
- “My parents don’t satisfy my wishes; hence then they don’t love me/they are mean”
- “My needs are the only needs that matter”
Some “truths” linked to “lying or stealing” (#46)
- “dishonesty is against my principles; I cannot tolerate it”
- “tolerating dishonesty makes me complicit”
- “if I tell the truth they won’t like it”
- “If I tell you the truth they won’t love me”
- “Kids lie because they are liars”
- “My daughter wants to manipulate (or control) me”
- “He is just like his father; a delinquent”
- “I was the same as a kid”
- Add your own
Some “truths” linked to “attacking” (#28)
- “Violence is simply unacceptable; there’s nothing to talk about it”
- “Kids should not/never show anger, it is a negative emotion”
- “Anger is primitive/bad, kids should be able to control it”.
- “Conflicts are bad, and should be avoided or ignored”
- “My child is always whining/manipulating”.
- “My child is impulsive/has a conduct disorder”
- “Don’t be a girl”
- “My parents don’t satisfy my wishes; hence then they don’t love me/they are mean”
- “My needs are the only needs that matter”
Some “truths” linked to “Blaming and Criticizing” (#2)
- “It’s the only way to educate my child, they should recognize and correct their mistakes”
- “They don’t understand it’s for their own good”
- “My son is doing it on purpose”
- “They are lazy”
- “They do not want to understand”
- “They do not want to be responsible for their mistakes”
- “They do not want to take responsibility for their actions”
- “They are coward, they do not want to confront the problem”
- “My parents don’t love me, that’s why they criticize me”
- “My daughter wants to manipulate me”
- “He is “just” a child; he must listen and obey”
- “I was the same when I was a child, I would escape when it was convenient”
- “The old values has been lost (authority, respect)”
- Add one yourself
Some “truths” linked to “Getting Anxious” (#27)
- “My child is simply neglectful”
- “My child is unwilling to do things right”
- “My child is oppositional”
- “My child is just stupid”
- “The only way to help my child doing things right is letting them know when they are wrong”
- “Only bad friends/neglectful parents tell you that you are doing alright when you are not”
- “I have tried being nice and everything else, but nothing works with him/her”
- “What my child is doing is against my principles; I cannot tolerate it”
- “tolerating her behavior makes me complicit; I will lose authority”
- “I’m just telling the truth; I don’t like lying”
- (Feeding questioning oneself) “They know better, I deserve this”
- “I am just a kid, I have not rights”
- “I should know how to do this right on my own; I just suck”
- “I don’t have emotional needs; that’s for the weak”
- “Communicating needs is useless”
- “Nobody will understand me”
- “Nobody really cares so I won’t even try doing things better”
- Add your own
Some “truths” linked to “losing control” (#1)
- “Kids should always comply with their parents”
- “Kids are unable to self-control”
- “My daughter wants to manipulate (or control) me”
- “My child is bad”
- “My child is defiant”
- “My child has ODD (oppositional defiant disorder)”
- “He is just like his father; it’s genetic”
- “I was the same as a kid”
- “I must intervene; If I let them alone, they will kill each other”