Weaken problem – Page 2 – WIPscope

Tips to weaken problematic interactions (2) via externalization (#28)

Aim or sub-task	Guiding questions
Name the problem: negotiate an experience-near formulation for the problem	How would you call this problem? Attacking? Insulting? Anger management? Blowing up? Giving up? Lack of control? Self-centeredness? Not respecting others? Something else? If we had a thermometer measuring temperature from 1 to 100 degrees, where 100 is the worst because you totally blow up, where would you be right now in the ‘blowing up’ scale?
Explore the negative effects of the problem	Does the problem (e.g., ‘Attacking’) make you do things that you don’t like to do, or that you regret afterwards? (e.g., “yelling” “physically restraining”) What else does the problem make you do? What does your mom/dad/child do when you are under the influence of the problem? What makes the problem bigger (or stronger)? If we asked your mom, how can she tell when the thermometer went from 20° to 50°? To 70°? To 90°?
Explore unique outcomes (for more details check up on “tips via unique outcome”).	Did you ever managed/beat the problem (e.g., the ‘attacking’; the ‘yelling’)? How have you successfully coped with ‘frustration’ as a family? Did the problem ever complied with you, instead of you complying with it? When was (bearer of problem) able to lower the intensity (or frequency) of the problem? When was (bearer of problem) able to do something with the problem? How did you notice? What was the first thing you noticed? What did you/her do? What did your mom notice? What did she do? What happened on that occasion? What did others say about this?
Explore unique outcomes in the future	If (unique outcome) happened again in the next few days/weeks, what would happen to the problem? Do you think its influence in your life would increase or decrease? What difference would this make for you? What would be different in your life? What else?

Tips to weaken problematic interactions (1) via intention-effect (#28)

Aim or sub-task	Guiding questions
Obtain a prototype of the problematic behavior or situation	Can you tell me a typical situation in which this problem (e.g., “attacking”; “disqualifying”; “blowing up”; “losing it”; etc.) takes place? How would you call it? Can you describe how it was the last time that this problem happened?
Obtain a typical response (TR) to problematic behavior	How did you respond in this situation? What did you do when X behaved in that (problematic) way? (e.g., “time out”; “I made it clear that insulting and hitting her brother was not allowed”, “I send my child to their room…”)
Search for positive intention behind TR	What did you expect it would happen by doing that (TR)? What was the outcome you were looking for? What were you intending? (e.g., “I wanted them to understand and learn that harming others is not ok”; “I wanted them to learn how to cope better when facing frustration/obstacles/stressing situations”)
Separate intention from actual effect	What would you say was the immediate effect of doing what you did (RT)? (e.g., “they become even more mad; started throwing objects…”; “ignored me”) What has been the long-term consequences for your relationship? What has been the effect of doing that according to the other person participating in the situation? Would you say this/these is/are not the result(s) that you were hoping for?
Formulate negative feelings or “stance” on actual effect	How do you feel when you realize that you could have produced effects that you weren’t intending? What happens to you when you realize about what actually happened?
Separate agent from action	If you had known in advance what the actual effect would be, would you have done something different? If you were convinced that in a situation like this there is something you could do to prevent this negative effect, would you do it?
Formulate ‘absent but implicit’ value	Why would you do something different? What values are at stake for you here? What would be different for you if your intentions came across without distortion to your child?

Tips to weaken problematic interactions (3) via externalizing a problem-strengthening IDEA (#2)

Aims or “steps”	Guiding questions
Explore nature, story, effects and tactics of the problem	What worries you most about this problem (“getting crazy”)? This idea of “owning one’s mistakes” is the only way to educate him? Where did this idea come from? How does it interfere with your life? How has this idea affected the relationship with your son? Where does this idea have the most influence? How does it manage to convince you that it the only way? When did you begin to obey blindly this idea? What is it that seems unacceptable to you? Is it the fact that your child runs away, their seemingly inability to learn (how to admit their own mistakes), or that they feel unloved… or perhaps some other principle? Why it is important for you?
Explore extraordinary events	Has there ever been a time where your son didn’t go crazy? Has there ever been a time that in the face of madness, you responded in a different way, without changing? What happened that time? What did you do? What did he do? What did your husband say? What was the first thing you noticed? What might have helped this to happen? What else have you done that has helped him recognize his mistakes?
Explore effects of the extraordinary events in the future	If your son understood that you don’t like to criticize him, but that for you to err has a positive side (as a source of learning). What do you think would happen to the problem? What would this mean for you? Who would be the most and least surprised? What would change in your life? What would change in the relationship with your son?

Tips to weaken problematic interactions (2) via externalization (#2)

Aims or “steps”	Guiding questions
Negotiate a particular definition of the problem: Problem-saturated description (Name the problem)	How would you call the problem? “Getting crazy”, “ignoring”, “evading”, “impulse to blame”…or does it have another name “? On a scale from 1 to 10, thinking 1 is when the problem was at its worst level, in what level would you be now?
Explore the effects of the problem in person’s life	The problem of ‘the impulse to criticize’ / ‘getting crazy’…makes you do things sometimes you don’t like? What does it make you do? What else? It is a strong powerful problem? What makes the problem increase? If we ask mom, how she realizes when ‘getting crazy’ is significantly high? How is it different at level “4” versus at level “8”? What would your mom tell me? How does she realizes the problem is serious? How else? What does your mom/dad do when you are under the influence of the problem?
Explore extraordinary events and their effects to the future (for more details check “tips via extraordinary event”)	Did you ever beat the urge to criticize/ ”getting crazy”? Did it ever obey you instead of you obeying it by misbehaving? Have you ever been able to do something with the problem? How did you notice? What did you do? What did the others notice? What did they do in response to that? What happened in that occasion? What did others say about that? What was the first thing that you noticed? Who in your network may have some more ideas about how to better cope with frustration and anger?
Explore effects of the extraordinary event in the future	If (the extraordinary event) happened again in the next weeks, what would happen to the problem? Would it increase or decrease its influence on your life? What would this mean for you? What would change in your life? What else?

Tips to weaken problematic interactions (1) via intention-effect (#2)

Aims or “Steps”	Guiding questions
Get a prototype of a problematic situation.	Could you tell me a typical situation in which occurred the “problem to avoid” Or “ go crazy” How was the last time it occurred?
Get a typical answer to confront the problematic situation.	How did you respond in that situation ? What did you do? How do you usually respond? (i.e. “ I tell him that that was not good”)
Look for positive intention behind typical answer.	What did you expect to happen when you responded like that (typical answer)? What result did you expect? What would you say you did that (typical answer) for?( i.e.: “so that they recognized and corrected the mistake”)
Separate intention from effect	Which was the immediate effect? (to typical answer, for example» got crazy, evade me ”) Which has been long term effect for the relationship? What effect has typical answer in the relationship regarding another person that participates in the situation? Would you say that effect is not what you expected?
Formulate negative feelings or stance towards effect	What do you feel when you realize you could have generated effects that you weren’t intending?
Separate agent from action	If you knew ahead of time, what would be the effect, would you do anything differently? If you were convinced that in a situation like this you could do something to avoid the negative effect, would you do it?
Formulate absent but implicit value	Why would you do something different? What value is at issue for you? What would be different for you if you were able to get your intention recognized by the other person?

Tips to weaken problematic interactions (3) via externalizing a problem-strengthening IDEA (#27)

Aim or sub-task	Guiding questions
Explore with curiosity the nature, history, effects, and tactics of the (potentially problematic) idea	What is it that worries you the most about this idea (e.g., “my child is neglectful”) Where did this idea (e.g,. “he/she doesn’t care”) came from? How does this idea interfere with your life? How has this idea affected your relationship with your child? How do you think your child feels when he perceives you as under the influence of this idea? Where is this idea more influential? How does this idea manage to convince you of its “truth”? When did you start “blindly obeying” this idea? If you convinced yourself that your child knows very well that what they did was wrong, that you would never collude with “neglectfulness” by accepting such behavior, but that he just lacks the self-confidence to do better… what do you thing would happen with this idea?
Explore unique outcomes	Has there ever been a time when this idea was weaker in your mind? Has there ever been a time when a different, more helpful idea came up to mind about what was behind her acting in that particular way? What was it? Alternatively to child: Has there ever been a time when you were sure that dad was rejecting your behavior and not yourself? What happened on this occasion? What was different as a result if this different idea coming up? What did you do different? What did s/he do? What did your partner say? What was the first thing you noticed? What have you done that has helped your child to respond differently? What else?
Explore future effects of unique outcome	If your child believed that it is more important to you that s/he is really trying, and making small progress, what do you think would happen to the problem? If your child believed that you condemn “the deed” but not “the doer”, what do you think would happen to the problem? If could child was convinced about your good intentions, what would this mean to you? Who would be the most surprised if s/he did get convinced? Who would be the least surprised? Why? What would be different in your life? What would be different in your relationship with your child?

Tips to weaken problematic interactions (2) via externalization (#27)

Aim or sub-task	Guiding questions
Name the problem: negotiate an experience-near formulation for the problem	How would you call this problem? (e.g., “clamming up”; “freezing”; “lack of self-confidence”; “low self-esteem”; “anxiety”; “self-questioning”; “upset”; “hiding”, etc.). In a scale from 1 to 10, how intense the problem (e.g., “clamming up”) would be right now?
Explore the negative effects of the problem	Does the problem (e.g., “clamming up”) make you do things that you don’t like to do, or that you regret afterwards? What does the problem make you do? What else? Is it a ‘strong’, powerful problem? What makes the problem bigger (or stronger)? If we asked your mom, how can she tell when the problem went from 3 to 5 in the scale? To 7? To 9? How does she do, or how does she respond when ‘anxiety’ made you say that? What else does ‘anxiety’ make you to do, that you are not proud about doing afterwards? How does that make you feel?
Explore unique outcomes (for more details check up on “tips via unique outcome”).	Did you ever beat the problem (e.g., ‘unhelpful thoughts’)? Did the problem ever complied with you, instead of you complying with it? When was (bearer of problem) able to lower the intensity (or frequency) of the problem? When was (bearer of problem) able to do something with the problem? How did you notice? What was the first thing you noticed? What did you/her do? What did your mom notice? What did she do? What happened on that occasion? What did others say about this?
Explore unique outcomes in the future	If (unique outcome) happened again in the next few days/weeks, what would happen to the problem? Do you think its influence in your life would increase or decrease? What difference would this make for you? What would be different in your life? What else?

Tips to weaken problematic interactions (1) via separating intention-effect (#27)

Aim or sub-task	Guiding questions
Obtain a prototype of the problematic behavior or situation	Can you tell me a typical situation in which this problem (e.g., “clamming up”; “freezing”; “lack of self-confidence”; “low self-esteem”; “anxiety”; “self-questioning”; “upset”; “hiding”, etc.) takes place? How would you call it? Can you describe how it was the last time that this problem happened?
Obtain a typical response (TR) to problematic behavior	How did you respond in this situation? What did you do when X behaved in that (problematic) way? (e.g., I invited them to…; I got upset; anxious; I took a deep breath and tried to explain that…; I grabbed my head; I yelled…; I pushed..; I demanded)
Search for positive intention behind TR	What did you expect it would happen by doing that (e.g., inviting them to think… or other TR)? What were you intending? What was the outcome you were looking for? (e.g., do things better for them…)
Separate intention from actual effect	What would you say was the immediate effect of doing what you did (RT)? (e.g., “nothing; just stares at me, then silence”) What has been the long-term consequences for your relationship? What has been the effect of doing that according to the other person participating in the situation? Would you say this is not the result that you were hoping for?
Formulate negative feelings or “stance” on actual effect	How do you feel when you realize that you could have produced effects that you weren’t intending? What happens to you when you realize about what actually happened?
Separate agent from action	If you had known in advance what the actual effect would be, would you have done something different? If you were convinced that in a situation like this there is something you could do to prevent this negative effect, would you do it? If somebody gave you ideas that have helped on similar situations, but different from what you’ve been trying, would you give them a try?
Formular valor ausente pero implícito	Why would you do something different? What values are at stake for you here? What would be different for you if your intentions came across without distortion to the other?

Tips to weaken problematic interactions (3) via externalizing a problem-strengthening IDEA (#1)

Aim or sub-task	Guiding questions
Explore with curiosity the nature, history, effects, and tactics of the (potentially problematic) idea	What is it that worries you the most about the (e.g,. ‘misbehavior’) issue? (e.g., “Kids should always comply with their parents”; “her disobedience”) How does the idea that your child should always comply with you interferes in your life? How has this idea affected your relationship with your child? Where is this idea more influential? How does this idea manage to convince you of its “truth”? When did you start “blindly obeying” this idea? It is unacceptable, for you, that your child seems not to comply with you, or not comply to certain principles or standards? What would those be? Respecting other’s rights? Caring about personal safety? Self-control? Other?
Explore unique outcomes	Has there ever been a time when your child did not comply with what you were saying, but you thought it was nevertheless acceptable? What happened on this occasion? What was different? What did you do? What did s/he do? What did your partner say? What was the first thing you noticed? How did you know that his disobedience was not “bad”? What was the valuable principle s/he was “covertly obeying” in this “good disobedience”? What have you done that has helped your child to obey this important principle? What else?
Explore future effects of unique outcome	If your child believed that it is more important to you that s/he complies with certain principles, rather than complying with you, what do you think would happen to the problem? If your child believed that you worry more about mutually ignoring or distrusting one another, than how much s/he complies with your wishes, what do you think would happen to the problem? If could child was convinced about your good intentions, what would this mean to you? Who would be the most surprised if s/he did get convinced? Who would be the least surprised? Why? What would be different in your life? What would be different in your relationship with your child?

Tips to weaken problematic interactions (2) via externalization (#1)

Aim or sub-task	Guiding questions
Name the problem: negotiate an experience-near formulation for the problem	How would you call this problem? Lack of control? Melting down? Misbehaviour? Restlessness? Blowing up?…something else? If we had a thermometer measuring temperature from 1 to 100 degrees, where 100 is the worst because you totally blow up, where would you be right now in the ‘blowing up’ scale?
Explore the negative effects of the problem	Does the problem (e.g., ‘blowing up’) make you do things that you don’t like to do, or that you regret afterwards? What does the problem make you do? What else? Is it a ‘strong’, powerful problem? What makes the problem bigger (or stronger)? If we asked your mom, how can she tell when the thermometer went from 20° to 50°? To 70°? To 90°? How does she do, or how does she respond when you are under the influence of this problem?
Explore unique outcomes (for more details check up on “tips via unique outcome”).	Did you ever beat the problem (e.g., the ‘blowing up’)? Did the problem ever complied with you, instead of you complying with it? When was (bearer of problem) able to lower the intensity (or frequency) of the problem? When was (bearer of problem) able to do something with the problem? How did you notice? What was the first thing you noticed? What did you/her do? What did your mom notice? What did she do? What happened on that occasion? What did others say about this?
Fxplore unique outcomes in the future	If (unique outcome) happened again in the next few days/weeks, what would happen to the problem? Do you think its influence in your life would increase or decrease? What difference would this make for you? What would be different in your life? What else?