Tips for co-constructing cooperation (via thickening preferences)

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Objective Guide questions
Identify a practice as a favorite (e.g., connoting it as preferred in relation to a “problematic” one) Note: “practice” can be a behavior, emotion, ability, attitude, intent, idea, identity, or any other “reality” signified as very important in a person’s relational life) Do you think there is a difference between giving orders/commanding/forcing and asking calmly? How can you tell when you are giving an order/commanding/forcing and when you are asking things calmly? You said that your son was very angry and that he was “wrong”; Is that so? According to you, What’s wrong with getting angry in situations like that? Not taking an initiative to collaborate? Not taking others into consideration? Demanding rights without any Obligations? Something else? Do you like anger because it gives you “strength”? does it help you express that you don’t like being bossed around? Do you like being autonomous, being able to show that if you weren’t commanded you would do things by yourself? There’s parents who want to help their children learn to take responsibilities (or to control themselves; or to respect others; or Is that something important to you? When have you noticed glimpses of these learnings?
Characterize preference How would you call that? Does your daughter know that you’re interested in promoting your “capacity to cooperate”? How would you know that she’s being more cooperative? Do you know someone who is cooperative? When Have you seen her exercise any degree of cooperation? Who is the best in the house to cooperate? Second best? The third one?…
Discover inspirations or reasons (e.g., utility, kindness, beauty). Why do you find it “ugly” not to cooperate? Why do you find it admirable to cooperate? How does it serve you? What has life taught you about the importance of being cooperative? Where Did you learn that? What would happen immediately in your relationship with your daughter if she decided to value and accept your willingness for her to develop cooperation skills? What would happen after a year? after 10 years?
Notice (changes in) preference status Who has made any improvement in “cooperation” in the house? Have you noticed any difference in your daughter’s cooperation in the last year? in the last month? How did you find out? How long do out-of-control episode last in response to requests? from 1 to 10, how much would you say…? What does patience do to the yelling impulse when dealing with non-cooperative behaviors? Does reprimands help you to cooperate? What else helps you?
Plan act and consolidate What (else) will you do to support/exercise cooperation? Do you have a plan? How Will you practice your cooperation muscles? What do these changes say about your relationship? What/Who are you becoming?

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