Tips to co-construct antidote (1) via unique outcomes (#27)

Aim or sub-task         

Guiding questions

Explore unique outcomes

Have you ever seen your child overcoming a hard time? Has they ever able to overcome the impulse to isolate and trust someone else?  Has they ever decided to do something different other than surrender to anguish? Has they ever done something different to avoid getting to a place where ‘clamming up’ seems unavoidable?


What did you do in that occasion, which helped her to accomplish this?

What did you do right after, when you noticed she was getting stronger to fight with ‘self-doubt’?

How did your child respond when you did that?

If by exploring this episode in depth we could learn something about your capacity to foster further self-confidence in your child, would you be interested in doing that?


Internalize personal agency

You mentioned that you did something different on that occasion, how did you do that?

How did you manage to abstain from questioning and demanding, and tried instead opening space so that they could share what was going on for them? Was there anything different that you thought or felt that made you stronger, so that you could respond differently in that occasion?

Link personal agency with personal resources or skills

Where did you learn that?

What does this skill or ability tell about yourself as a person?

Recruit a supporting team

Who could help you to get stronger at containing anguish?

Who could help you to get stronger at avoid unwittingly pressuring and support her in her struggle?

Who could help you to help?

If ‘self-doubt’ was taking control over you, what could your dad do to help you get stronger?

Who could help your dad help you?

Who else could help you?

Inquire about future effects of unique outcome


If in the next few days/weeks you had further opportunities to support your child’s desire to get stronger at trusting, and sharing frustration with others, what do you think would happen to the problem?

Would its presence (or power to influence your relationship with your daughter) increase or decrease?

What difference would this make for you?

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