Tips to co-construct antidote (1) via unique outcomes (#28)

Aim or sub-task          Guiding questions
Explore unique outcomes Have you ever seen your child coping/managing their own frustration? Has your child ever decided to cope in a more constructive way? Have they ever decided to do something different other than (e.g, hitting)? Have they ever done something different to avoid getting to a place where blowing up seems unavoidable? Have you (parent) ever done something that helped them?

What did you do in that occasion, which helped her to cope better?

What did you do right after, when you noticed she was putting herself together?

How did your child respond when you did that?

If by exploring this episode in depth we could learn something about your capacity to foster inner control in your child, would you be interested in doing that?

 

Internalize personal agency You mentioned that you did something different on that occasion, how did you do that?

How did you manage to abstain from criticizing or rejecting their behavior, and tried instead opening space so that they could identify where this frustration was coming from? Was there anything different that you thought or felt that made it easier for you to empathize with what they were going through? Or that helped you respond differently?

Link personal agency with personal resources or skills Where did you learn that?

What does this skill or ability tell about yourself as a person?

Why is this (e.g., “coping”; “frustration tolerance”) important to you? Is it that you want them to be assertive? Is it that you want them to become both assertive and respectful? What other values are at stake for you? Why are these values important to you?

Recruit a supporting team Who could help you to recognize your own needs?

Who could help you to satisfy your own needs in respectful ways?

Who could help you to help them recognize/attend to their own needs?

If ‘blowing up’ was taking control over you, what could your dad do to help you get stronger?

Who could help your dad help you?

Who else could help you?

Inquire about future effects of unique outcome If you had further opportunities to support your child’s “respectful assertiveness” in the next few days/weeks, what do you think would happen to the problem? Increase or decrease?

How would this impact your relationship with your daughter?

What difference would this make for you?

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