Tips to co-construct antidote (1) via unique outcomes (#30)

Aim or sub-task          Guiding questions
Explore unique outcomes Did you ever managed/beat the problem (e.g., the ‘giving in’; the ‘attacking’)? How have you successfully coped with ‘violent reactions’ as a family in the past?

Did ‘the problem’ ever complied with you, instead of you complying with it?

When was (bearer of problem) able to lower the intensity (or frequency) of the problem?

When was (bearer of problem) able to do something with the problem? How did you notice? What was the first thing you noticed?

What did you/her do?

What did your mom notice? What did she do?

What happened on that occasion?

What did others say about this?

Have you ever seen your child coping/managing their own frustration? Has your child ever decided to cope in a more constructive way? Have they ever decided to do something different other than (e.g, threatening, blowing up, attacking)? Have you as a family ever done something different to avoid getting to a place where ‘giving in’ seemed unavoidable?

What did you do in that occasion?

What did you do right after, when you noticed she was deciding not to attack?

How did your child respond when you did that? How did the rest of that day/night go?

If by exploring this episode in depth we could learn something about your capacity to foster (e.g., setting helpful boundaries; mutual respect; peaceful coexistante), would you be interested in doing that?

 

Internalize personal agency You mentioned that you did something different on that occasion, how did you do that? How did you choose to do that? Was it a deliberate decision?

How did you manage to resist ‘giving in’, and kept setting/enforcing boundaries? Was there anything different that you thought or felt that made it easier for you to resist the ‘reign of fear’? Or that helped you respond differently? Or actively recruit helpers/rule enforcers?

Link personal agency with personal resources or skills Where did you learn that?

What do you know about yourself that helped you make such decision?

What do others know about yourself?

What does this virtue, skill or ability tell about yourself as a person?

Why is this (e.g., “courage”; “respect”) important to you? Is it that you value both assertiveness and respect? What other values are at stake for you? Why are these values important to you? Are these values a source of strength for you?

Recruit a supporting team Who could help you to (e.g., protect yourself; recognize your own needs; enforce mutual respect, resist violence) in respectful ways?

Who could help you to help them recognize others’ needs and rights?

If ‘giving in’ was taking control over you, what could others (e.g., your wife, husband, neighbour, friend, teacher, daughter) do to help you get stronger?

Who could help your wife/husband help you?

Who else could help you?

Inquire about future effects of unique outcome If you had further opportunities to resist violence, what do you think would happen to ‘the problem’? Increase or decrease?

If you had further opportunities to support your child’s ability to (e.g., empathize with others; take care of themselves) in the next few days/weeks, what do you think would happen to the problem?

How would this impact your relationship with (e.g., your daughter)?

What difference would this make for you?

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