Tips to co-construct antidote (1) via unique outcomes (#46)

Aim or sub-task          Guiding questions
Explore unique outcomes Have you ever seen your child admitting a mistake? Has she ever able to overcome the impulse to lie and be honest instead? Has he ever decided to do something different other than lying to protect herself? Has she ever done something different to avoid getting to a place where lying seems unavoidable?

What did you do in that occasion, which helped her to accomplish this?

What did you do right after, when you noticed she was getting stronger to make such an honest admission?

How did your child respond when you did that?

If by exploring this episode in depth we could learn something about your capacity to foster further honesty in your child, would you be interested in doing that?

 

Internalize personal agency You mentioned that you did something different on that occasion, how did you do that?

How did you manage to abstain from attempting to demand honesty, and tried instead opening space so that he could show some honest regret? Was there anything different that you thought or felt that made you stronger, so that you could respond differently in that occasion?

Link personal agency with personal resources or skills Where did you learn that?

What does this skill or ability tell about yourself as a person?

Recruit a supporting team Who could help you to get stronger at admitting your own mistakes?

Who could help you to get stronger at avoid pressuring and support her in her struggle?

Who could help you to help?

If ‘temptation’ was taking control over you, what could your dad do to help you get stronger?

Who could help your dad help you?

Who else could help you?

Inquire about future effects of unique outcome If you had further opportunities to support your child’s desire to get stronger at admitting his own mistakes in the next few days/weeks, what do you think would happen to the problem?

Would its presence (or power to influence your relationship with your daughter) increase or decrease?

What difference would this make for you?

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