Tips to co-construct antidote (2) via exception (#27)

Aim or sub-task         

Guiding questions

Formulate a hypothetical solution

Imagine this issue of ‘low self-esteem’ solved out, what would be different? What would you see different? What would you hear different? What would you think/feel different? How would you respond or do different?

Identify critical factors in hypothetical solution


What did you do that helped solving out this problem, in this imagined situation?

When the problem solved out, how did you respond?

When you responded like that, what did you observe as an effect? How others responded to your response?

Identify an exception to the problem

When have you been able to resist engaging in ‘you were wrong’, and opened space for him to share what was going on for them?

What did you notice when you did? What was different?

I heard you saying that there was a time when he was able to ‘put himself together and give it another try’; can you tell me more about this?

Amplify exception in the present


How did you did that (exception)?

How else did you empowered yourself and didn’t let ‘clamming up’ (or “I have to question this attitude”) manage you?

How did you manage not to surrender to the anxiety/anger that came up for you when you saw your child was…?

Where did you learn that?

What did you do to get ready or prepare to make that step in that occasion?

What other personal resources did you rely on to make this step?


What did you notice different in the relationship with your child when you did that (exception)?

What did you notice different in yourself?

What did other members of your family noticed?

Who was the first in noticing the difference? Who was the second? Third?

How did others respond?

How did you feel when they did that?

How did the rest of your day go after this happened?

What did you notice later?

Co-create a new future

When you act upon these ideas, what difference will it make for you? What difference will it make about how you feel about the episode? About yourself?

When you feel like that, what will be easier to do from that mindset/mood/state of mind/stance etc.?

How will this orient you towards a new direction in your life?

While you continue going in this preferred direction, how will your new future be different from your old future?

Formulate a step by step plan

Would you be interested in working (with your parents) to figure out new ways to (expand solutions/resist problems)?

Who else could we recruit as part of your supporting team?

How could they help with this? What could their contributions be?


What difference does it make for your next steps knowing that you were capable of resisting the ‘unnecessary self-protection’ this time?

What ideas does this success give you about what your next step could be?

How will you know that your next step was successful?

How else would you like to restrict the power that “compulsion to confront” (or “compulsion to flight”) may have in your family?

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