Tips to co-construct antidote (3) via thickening preferences (#2)

Aims or “steps” Guiding questions
Identify a good or relational preference (behavior, emotion, ability attitude, intention, identity, values etc.  that seem  important in people’s life) You said your son was ‘going crazy’ and there’s something wrong about this, am I getting this right?

What would you say is wrong about ‘going crazy’? Would you say your worry is about the ‘disconnection’ it implies? Or perhaps about a kind of learning disability it is associated with? ; Or perhaps something else?

When would you say ‘criticism’ is your ally, in the sense that it helps you to help him learn and when would you say ‘criticism’ is your enemy in the sense that it generates disconnection and destroys an appropriate context to learn?

There are parents who want to help their children learn to…….is that important for you?

Did you ever notice anything that would resemble or approximated to that ability?

Characterize the preference What do you call that? Does your daughter know that you want to promote her ability to listen and appreciate the help of others in order to develop and learn?

How would you know she is more appreciative in that sense?

Do you know someone like this?

How difficult or how long do you think it takes to develop this kind of ability?

When did you see her to develop this ability in any level?

Who is the best at home to show this ability? The second best? The third?

Discover inspirations or reasons (usefulness, goodness, beauty). Why does it seem “ugly” such ‘disconnecting habit’?

Why do you find admirable not to lose the connection and, instead, keep connected, perhaps learning how to listen to others?

Why it is useful?

What has life taught you about appreciating others’ input?

Where did you learn that from?

What would happen in your relationship with your daughter if she decided to value and accept your willingness to develop this ability?

What do you think could happen after one year? After 10 years?

Notice (changes in) state of the preference Who has ever made some improvement in favoring ways to maintain the connection for mutual learning?

Have you noticed any difference in yourself? In your daughter in the last year? Since a month ago? How did you notice it? How long are the disconnection episodes going on? Or ‘going crazy’ now?

From 1 to 10, how much would you say?

What makes him notice successes to reconnection?

What else have you noticed that helps you?

Plan, act and consolidate What (else) would you do in order to support/exercise this ability? Do you have a plan? How will you practice the “muscles” you need to exercise this ability? What do these changes say about your relationship? What are they becoming?

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