Tips to weaken problematic interactions (1) via intention-effect (#2)

Aims or “Steps”

Guiding questions

Get a prototype  of a problematic situation.

Could you tell me a typical situation in which occurred the “problem to avoid”

Or “ go crazy”

How was the last time it occurred?

Get a typical answer to confront the problematic situation.

How did you respond in that situation ?

What did you do?

How do you usually respond?

(i.e. “ I tell him that that was not good”)

Look for positive intention behind typical answer.

What did you expect to happen when you responded like that (typical answer)?

What result did you expect?

What would you say you did that (typical answer) for?( i.e.: “so that they recognized and corrected the mistake”)

Separate intention from effect

Which was the immediate effect? (to typical answer, for example» got crazy, evade me ”)

Which has been long term effect for the relationship?

What effect has typical answer in the relationship regarding another person that participates in the situation?

Would you say that effect is not what you expected?  

Formulate negative feelings or stance towards effect

What do you feel when you realize you could have generated effects that you weren’t intending?

Separate agent from action

If you knew ahead of time, what would be the effect, would you do anything differently?

If you were convinced that in a situation like this you could do something to avoid the negative effect, would you do it?  

Formulate absent but implicit value

Why would you do something different?

What value is at issue for you?

What would be different for you if you were able to get your intention recognized by the other person?

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